August 26, 2016—Day 238 (WD 519)

Sunrise Pages August

Wondrous, Divine Source!

It’s rain, this morning, and a heavy fog enveloping the nearest ridge, making a very artistic intersection between obscuring fog and green tree tops.  The deep green of the vegetation displays a deep satisfaction with the rain.

 

There was the presence of a dream story last night/this morning.  It had to do with story as a tool, used to educate and enlighten the difference between beliefs and truth, specifically designed to examine and dissolve the false social beliefs regarding women and their role in our society.  It was like I had gone to some new place, and I was on the fringe, observing this thing that they did, that they all put in place and were invested in.

 

So, I’m not sure how soundly I slept, because I felt alert and like my mind was half-awake for this dreaming.  I do feel well-rested now, though, so I’ll give my Sleep Scale: 4/5.

I did head to bed last night with pen and paper, and I dictated my business lizard’s List of Biggest Shouts and Fears.  It was like turning up the volume on the worst, meanest things anyone could say to me, and it felt deeply painful at the beginning of the exercise.

There was this moment where I thought of begging, to myself, I guess, “Please don’t make me listen.  This makes me feel horrible.”

But, I realize that the truth is that I’ve already been hearing it, constantly, at low volume; just as hurtful and damaging.

The other thing that happened was that I imagined this never-ending, page after page list of complaints and offenses.  Yet, I discovered that my lizard actually had very little material, based mostly on four fears – that I would suck at coaching, which meant I would fail the clients and let them down, and they would then hate me for it; that I didn’t even know what I was offering anybody; that even if I did know what I was offering, nobody would want it, or believe that I could deliver it; and that I didn’t know how to work hard enough, or have the ability to finish anything, so I would therefore fail at creating a successful business.

The beauty of having these concerns actually written down is that, rather than just me shouting back, “None of that is true!”, I can consciously and thoughtfully address and answer each claim.

And, this, too – There’s some truth there.  But, it’s stuff that I can work on and fix.  So, identifying those weaknesses has really helped, as well.

 

So, Today’s Prompt:

Guess what, Dear Pilgrim?  It’s time to turn the volume up and listen to just what it is that your lizard is worrying about.

Write it down – the whole messy, ugly, irrational, mean-spirited barrage.

Don’t get defensive or push back.  Just jot it all down.

You may find that when you listen to all of it, there’s not as much there as you thought, before it starts to get dull and repetitive.

As you look at these thoughts, can you begin to see where there are exaggerations and assumptions?  Have some true weaknesses been identified that you can either consciously accept, or focus on strengthening?

 

Dear Lizard, thanks for your honesty and deep effort to protect me.  Much Love, as we move Onward!

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