August 2, 2016—Day 214 (WD 495)

Sunrise Pages August

Buongiorno, Dear Creator!

As I look out on the morning, the land around me shines with the rising sun, yet much of the western sky is filled with difficult, ominous cloud cover.  I’m captivated by the depth and hues of the storm clouds.  And, we could use more rain.

Well, Dear Pilgrim, I have today off from my retail gig.  (Shh – so, I slept in.)  If I may, I’d love to describe my struggle to you, wondering if you can relate.  Then, I hope to share how I intend to move forward through it.

As I mentioned yesterday, I needed to rest and recharge.  So, my first intention was to get to bed early last night.  My plan for today was to get up early to drive to the White Mountains, a couple hours away, and attempt a day hike summiting Mt. Washington.  Even though there are many other items on my day-off to-do list, I want to face the summit challenge, because I used to drive up and hike Mt. Washington every summer, and I’m not sure whether I’m still in the shape to do it.  But, trying is the only way I’ll find out.

That was the simple plan.  Here’s what’s happened so far, instead – Last night, as I was trying to post yesterday’s Sunrise Pages, my site started to act wonky, and I couldn’t edit my posts.  This was certainly frustrating, (again, perhaps more so because I was already tired), and I began researching and puzzle-solving.  I did eventually find a solution, although I have more investigating to do, but it ended up taking a long time, and I went to bed quite late.  (How I responded to the issue, I recognize, as certainly all my choice.)

I still set my alarm to rise early, even though I was really having doubts about my being able to pull off the full loop summit hike – especially when I would be even more tired and depleted.  Also, how would it all leave me feeling afterward?

So, when the alarm went off at 6 a.m., I turned it off and opted to go back to sleep.  I finally woke and got up a little after 8 a.m.  I would say that I didn’t sleep as soundly through the night, and I don’t feel completely rested, but the couple extra hours did help, and I’m giving my night’s rest 4/5 on my Sleep Scale.

I do, though, have a lousy headache, which I wonder if it’s related to all the fatigue I’ve been pushing through.  So, I’ve taken some ibuprofen and made some coffee, and I’ll see if that helps.

So, here’s my dilemma – self-care vs. pushing and growing.  Self-care today feels like really being gentle with myself, tending to some of the housekeeping to-do’s on my list, and maybe even napping later.  Pushing and growing looks like going somewhere, probably local, and hiking up some elevation, to strengthen, test, and prepare for Mt. Washington.

Do you ever face that feeling, of being stuck at a crossroads, and you’re not sure what the “right” solution is?

This is the kind of dilemma that would always paralyze me.  Talk about stuck.  I’d fail to choose, and then get stuck with some even lesser option, because I had frittered away time and opportunity.

Well, here’s how I think about all this now – and, you may not agree, but I hope you’ll at least consider it, to see if any of it might be helpful and worthwhile – there is no one idea versus the other.  It’s all self-care, and it’s all pushing and growing.  They’re all great, helpful options; good, healthy choices.

When I release myself from worrying about whether my choices look right, are right, and whether others agree that my choices are right – once I drop all those mental constrictions, I free myself to accept my choices.

Wow, I may never have realized until just now, writing it, that I haven’t felt free to accept my choices.

The dreaded second-guessing and self-doubt, which simply magnifies itself.

I intend to accept my choices!

 

And, with that, let’s take a look at a Prompt:

What can I say, Dear Pilgrim?  It’s pretty obvious – I’m going to suggest that you look at moments in your day where you struggle with choice.

For the day, each time you face a choice, tune into your body and your intuition to see what feels most strongly like a “YES!”

Then, just do that thing, confident that it is a good choice and direction for you.

Play with that and unlock your freedom.

 

Dear Creator and Guides, I’m amazed at what I often discover through this writing practice!  Thank You!

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