July 3, 2016—Day 184 (WD 465)

Sunrise Pages July

Welcome Morning, Dear Universe!

I’ve finally reclaimed the very beginning of my day for writing.  Yay, My Guides!

It’s another pretty morning – blue skies, and a nearby bird trilling her song.

I walked around here last night, heading out as the sky was hanging on to its last bits of light before the dark.  It was a cool night, a good night for walking.

I’ve been thinking about that prompt from our Bewilderment Book Club – letting your “wrong life” fall apart.

How does that apply to me?  I felt something connected to it, in this trip to Montreal.  I loved much about our visit, yet I clearly was glad it was just a visit.  I especially liked the mornings, sitting on the iron rail back balcony off our room, in the cool morning air – new sights and sounds, new energy, as I wrote my Pages.

To encounter the new, and to explore, was a joy for me.  I wasn’t quite ready, I think, to return.  Although I’ve loved where we are living, and the direction and opportunities that have appeared in my life have been great – are great – I am being pulled toward even more.

There has been a pattern in my life, I think, when I have occasionally leaned into the Unknown, and the Discomfort.  Then my Life shifts, I adapt, and things go pretty well, until I suddenly say, “Enough!”  I’ve survived Change, and then sought and created a new Comfortable, and, just like that, I stop growing and stretching, instead reverting back to My Lizard’s Handy Old Beliefs that I can’t, I’m not good enough, and the World is a Scary Place.

I think right now, that is what I desire to fall apart.  I want to keep riding the Downstream Flow of Change that’s carrying me.

My walk last night was nice, but it was too familiar, and honestly felt boring and tired in its familiarity.

It’s a new me that finds myself actually preferring the adventure of walking the unknown, busy streets of Montreal, playing navigator and explorer.

Can it be?  Am I finding myself actually preferring adventure and the unknown, rather than familiarity in a small, “safe,” little world?

I’ve mentioned this part of the Buddha’s story before – that, after achieving Enlightenment, he returned to his wife and family, for he acknowledged his desire to see them.  When his wife asked him if he had really needed to leave them in order to find Enlightenment, he answered that he understood Now that Enlightenment had been available to him always.

I find myself pondering this conundrum.  And, I connect it to Diana, the heroine in our book club selection.  In order for the metamorphosis to occur, we really do need the catalyst, motivation, and energy for our “wrong life” to fall apart.

The Buddha needed that.  Diana needed that.  And, like them, although this life has always been available to me, it took meeting my wife, and finding the motivation to change, daring to risk vulnerability and to confront my fears, allowing failure in the quest for practice and for better – for change to begin to happen.

I feel this is a practice based in faith.  There is no promise; only hope.  We often only see one step at a time, so there’s no assurance of anywhere beyond, let alone a final destination.

The Buddha sought something, and he reached Enlightenment.  Yet, during his years of searching, he never knew if he was getting anywhere, if he was on the “Right” Path, if he was going in the “Right” Direction.

One step at a time.  Follow the Guidance given; follow the pull toward where we are drawn.  Let go of our “wrong life,” and let it fall apart.

Such is the practice of risk.  Until, maybe one day, we’ve let so much “wrong” go, that all we have left is our “right life.”  Maybe.

 

So, a Prompt for Today:

The Dance of Release –

Are you still hanging on to what “should be” about your life?  What’s missing from your life, or what is in your life that no longer serves you?

Try to listen to the small, gentle pulls of your Guide.  Walk more, or learn a language.  Buy some water colors, or a map and guidebook of Spain.

Where are you being guided?

 

I’ve got on my explorer’s hat, Dear Guides, and I’m ready to continue!

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