July 1, 2016—Day 182 (WD 463)

Sunrise Pages July

Greetings, Divine Creator!

The truth is that this page is being written near 11 p.m. Friday night – not exactly Morning Pages.  We woke this morning in Montreal, ate breakfast and packed, and then started the journey south across the border and back to what we currently call home.

This could simply have been the first day I’d missed of my Sunrise Pages.  As it is, I am behind in posting my daily journal writings.  I’ve considered it, though, and decided to be unconcerned; I know I will catch up soon enough.

As far as writing tonight for today, instead of just skipping a day – well, there are things that want to be written.

There is a sadness for me, for our trip to end – no more Montreal, no more jazz festival, no more Francais.

My wife quoted a line to me – “Don’t live a life from which you are desperately, constantly in need of a vacation.”  Or, maybe she asked “Why?”  She didn’t mean my life, exactly; she was speaking in generalities.  Still, the idea has stuck with me all day – like the pebble in one’s shoe – not painful; just there, just noticed.

I can’t grab exactly what it means, but I feel it’s likely related to letting my “wrong life” fall apart.  Even when it seems good, right?

I was sad to be back, even though things here are going well for me here.  So, it feels complicated.

I went for a walk, to exe(o)rcise my funk, and I felt good enough to even start running for two miles in the middle of it.  That’s the first time I’ve run in a long time.  It felt good.

It’s funny how things work.  Maybe St. Joseph, the saint of the pilgrimage site we visited on Wednesday, is doing me a solid, by giving me some healing.  So, I’ve got that going for me.

Tomorrow, we will rise early to travel and attend a memorial service, while elsewhere a friend will be getting married.  Somehow, to me, it feels just as it should, the juxtaposition of these two life events in the same frame of time.

Life, for each of us, is almost always going in different directions at the same time.  So, why not different versions of stories ending with new beginnings, blends of joys and sorrows, grief and celebration?

Someone commented to me that she was touched by something I had shared in my posts.  Even that has been a shift for me.  Once I’ve written each day, when I then go back to type and post, there’s been an increasing detachment to what I’ve written.

I feel like I hold myself open and a small sense of my soul comes out, and I just jot it down.  Often, as I’m writing from that place, I just think, “Wow.  Yeah, that’s what I’m feeling.”

But, then it’s written down, and I type it up and share it, and it’s out and away, beyond me; mostly unconnected.

Like releasing a butterfly, which is what I did for my dad at a memorial service.

When the next morning comes, I open myself again, or strive to, and I listen for what my soul and the Creator give me to share.  Once again, it’s a little piece of my heart, shining out, and I just try to transcribe what’s being given to me.

Stories, feelings, thoughts, and dreams.  Living, dying; weddings and memorials.  Jazz music, dancing, collective consciousness, and celebration.

I have typing to do, to catch up with my posts, and a new cover to create for July.  I also want to continue playing in French, s’il vous plait.

Ah, Ray – let the “wrong things” fall apart.  Play, write, create, run, and hike.  Get back on the water.  Teach, and get back to coaching.  Your coaching is about to take you to the places of your dreams!

 

Today’s Prompt, for you to consider:

How is the letting your “wrong life” fall apart working out so far?

What’s keeping you holding on to what you know doesn’t work for you?

What’s your next step?

 

One step, Dear Guides – at a time.  With Faith and Love!

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