Greetings to the New Day, Dear Universe –
It’s another sunny morning, up early, running an errand. Even this, Dear One, is something that has challenged me in the past. Why? – I’m not exactly sure. This I know – it was based in fear, and my changed relationship with fear has also changed the way I move through the World; The Way I Show Up – Who I’ve become.
I put words to it yesterday that sum it up – “Scary things don’t frighten me nearly as much as they used to.”
I still notice my fears. Those thoughts still surface. I just act differently about them now. I don’t grab onto them; I don’t listen to the shouts and doubts of my lizard brain. I also don’t push back against them, creating an unhealthy, unhelpful energy.
I acknowledge the thoughts – “Thank you, Lizard, for your opinion.” Then, I consider what else might also be true. I ask, “What if…?” in terms of what could be great, helpful, exceptional, and satisfying to emerge from this, if I move forward, instead of letting fear hold me back.
More and more now, when my lizard flashes his/her fears for me, I’ve taken it as a “Go!” signal to move in that exact direction.
I know – that seems crazy! Especially for me. I didn’t even realize that I was doing it at first.
For example, My Guides showed me a vision of posting my Morning Pages, and I played with that vision for a whole afternoon, on a hike. For the next week, my lizard shouted no one will read it; who cares what you think; it will be no good; you’ll be an embarrassment; you will Fail!
So much, and so loud, that I didn’t write at all New Year’s Day.
Then, quite simply, on January 2nd I wrote and posted my first Sunrise Pages, and I’ve posted every day since.
At the beginning of spring, I was asked if I was interested in being an ODS paddle instructor. Again, my lizard began to shout – you don’t know anything about kayaks and paddleboards; you’re afraid of the water; you’ll suck as an instructor; people will have a horrible experience and hate you; you’ll kill somebody, maybe even yourself.
I just listened, then was upfront with the ODS Lead about my inexperience, and when he said that I would receive training, and that he thought my communication and people skills would make me a good instructor, simply said, “Yes.”
I went for my trainer certification, still never having paddled – at all. I had watched videos, and there was instruction at the beginning, but my lizard shouted what are you thinking; you can’t do this; you’re wasting everyone’s time; you’re going to make a fool of yourself; you’re going to Fail, everyone’s going to laugh you right out of the pool, and then they’ll all hate you.
So, I simply went ahead and tried – trusting that this was the first necessary step to learning this new thing, and that this could ultimately take me to some really fun, satisfying place.
And, I passed.
Yesterday, at the store, we were short-handed for managers. So, at one point, the one manager present came up and said to me – “I have to go teach a clinic. How do you feel about having your first ‘Leader on the Floor’ shift?”
I felt that immediate tingle, that my lizard was just about to start shouting; and even before he/she got the chance, I had already said, “Sure, let’s do it!”
Looking back on it now, it makes me smile a goofy grin and think – “Whoa!”
I like this new me. It’s filling my days with adventure, and I’m discovering that I’m quite able to do a lot more than I was giving myself credit. In no way does everything go smoothly or perfectly. But, I’m finding out that even that is perfectly okay!
Consider Today’s Prompt:
Taking Risks – The next time your lizard starts jumping and shouting scary, doubtful thoughts to you, try thanking it for its opinion, and see if you can just move toward that fear, rather than away, asking yourself, “What if this goes well?”
I realize choosing Love over Fear doesn’t make Fear go away, Dear Guides. But, thank you for helping me see that I don’t have to be imprisoned by it!