April 27, 2016—Day 117 (WD 398)

Sunrise Pages April

Good Day, Shining Sun!

Wow – what a gorgeous blue sky, with just the most perfect white, puffy clouds.  I think I was ready for a day like today.

Yesterday was gray and overcast, with a good portion of the day filled with snow flurries.  I walked a new trail in the late afternoon, a greenway connecting our town to the next one over.  I had it all to myself, except for a bunch of robins, a few handfuls of chickadees and other birds, and a few inquisitive chipmunks.  It was a pleasurable ramble.

Today, I’ve already gotten outside, walking some streets as I chatted with Jeannine, my friend and fellow coach.  She helped me take a look at where I currently am, and analyze and strategize about where I’m looking to go.  For this, I am grateful.

It is a curious, yet informative thing, for me to notice the regions and subjects where I still feel “at risk.”

It is encouraging to see some improvement.  I certainly don’t feel nearly as intimidated by these Sunrise Journeys Pages as I did when I first conceived the idea.  I still remember spending a number of days trying to talk (and scare) myself out of starting it.  I’ve persevered, though, and although I still feel vulnerable, it no longer feels so risky.

It seems humorous that I can be open and expressive in one capacity, where trying no longer feels risky and failure is no longer something I fear; but, when I shift to a different arena, those old lizard fears will jump right back up and have me worrying that I’ll be discovered as not good enough, not worthy.

Recently, some coaches have been discussing the seemingly incongruous strategies of taking actionable turtle steps toward one’s goals versus setting a clear intention, and then releasing it, not trying to force it to happen.

To me, this is the same type of problem as my struggle in different arenas.  It helps so much to be able to see the whole situation from a light, relaxed place.

When I open up to my authentic self, I can see when my fears of failure and success have me frozen.  The best antidote for me, when I’m stuck, is taking some action.  The definition of a turtle step is an action that is purposely so small that the thought of not accomplishing it is laughable.  That smallest of movements breaks the bonds of fear holding me, allowing a momentum that can then be sustained and built upon.

When I’m frittering about, active and overwhelmed, but lacking direction and purpose, I look to my authentic self to recognize my “flight” response.  At these times, what I most need is the courage to get still, even while my lizard shouts that doing so is letting “everyone” down, wasting time, and proving that I’m not enough.  Then, from a place of stillness, I can reconnect with my Purpose and Intention.  This means holding space and having faith, in myself and the Universe, waiting to receive inspired action.

Both sides need trust and compassion.  Humor and humility.  Gentleness and forgiveness.

So, sometimes I just work on tuning in to all that, and just wade into the waters and see what comes next.

The best thing is, it’s all here, all the time.  It’s not like it’s just one train that leaves the station once a day, so if you miss it, you really miss it.  No.  When you’re ready and tuning in, it’s right there.  Again and again.

 

A Prompt for Today:

Was there a place in your world, today, where you had an inkling where to go and how to proceed, but you froze?  Break it down to a turtle step – an initial step so small and doable, it’s laughable.  Then, do it.

Was there a place in your day, today, where you saw yourself racing around, not sure where you were headed, or why?  Take a moment to find stillness, and wait for inspiration to guide your next action.

 

Dear Guides, Dear Universe – Thank you for helping me play, listen, and learn.  It truly helps me experience the Joy in this World!

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