As so often occurs, something that I desperately need to do in one aspect of my life is actually something that is creating havoc in another part of my life.  In this case, the difference emanates from the difference in sources; I need to be aware of the direction and flow of information.  Much like getting information on the internet, a degree of discretion and awareness is necessary to determine the accuracy of information.

“If it’s on the Internet, it must be true.”

“Where did you hear that?”

“I read it on the Internet!”

I struggle with my everybody telling me all the things I should be.  Who I should be, what I should be, and how I should be.  Who and what I should like and dislike.  What I should have, what I should be doing, and how much I should be making.  Everybody makes it clear to me that I am not keeping up, I’m not measuring up, and I’m not trying hard enough.  All this can be summed up as “not successful,” which creates a feeling in everybody that is equal parts pity and disapproval of me.

On the other hand, there is my “gut,” the physical response my body gives me to signal how my true self feels.  Like making me feel anxious and uncomfortable with the perceived expectations from my everybody.  Then, there are the moments of happiness—a song, a movie, a book, an image.  There are those times when I’m doing something, and I don’t notice how much time goes by.  There are certain people with whom I find conversations flowing and interesting, and my laughter free and joyful.  There are my dreams when I wake, and my memories of childhood.

So, what I need to remember is that the everybody messages are external, whereas my “gut” is my conscience and intuition—my internal messages.  The everybody of my external messages is mostly a mental construction combining the ideals of society and the fears of my inner critic.  The external messages make me feel anxious and uncomfortable.  Each message has the sentiment that I’m “not good enough.”  The internal messages feel “right” and seem to “make sense.”  Although there may be some anxiety, connected to change and the unknown, the primary sensation from my body is connection, contentment, and peace.

Seems simple enough, right?  Well, just like any skill we want to improve, this takes practice.  The first step is to practice achieving a still and quiet place (quiet mind) to hear what our body is telling us.  The second step is to follow the message to the source, to deduce whether it is an internal or external message.  If it is an external message, try to identify specifically who the speaker is (refuse the everybody) and put the message in reasonable context.  There still may be a lot gained from the message.  Finally, if the message is internal, make note of it, sit with it, and say “Thank you” for it.

Listening to your own messages is one tool to finding out who you really are and who you are meant to be.